And I can finally breathe..

During my September Experience I did not have the chance to teach a lesson. I had no problem with this since I was still trying to wrap my head around everything I was observing, and I think that I needed those three weeks to transition myself from the idea of just being a student to being a student teacher, which is a big jump. For the last year that I have been in school, the classroom was something that we just talked about, it was abstract, and stepping foot in my main placement made the classroom a more concrete idea. I now had children that I could observe their learning and discuss with my classmates and master teacher. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Then just as I was finally feel good about my little second graders, I was uprooted and moved to a middle school. It was a huge transition for me. I once again felt awkward and had to establish myself once again as a teacher to these students. My middle school class was more difficult to win over than my second graders. In addition I had the requirement of 4 lessons to teach looming over my head. I was full of nerves, and the fact that I was having a power struggle with one of the girls in my middle school class did not make matters better. My Master Teacher has a group of "problem" children that make it hard at times for her to teach the class, I was terrified that they were going to eat me alive. In addition, I realized that these students smelled fear, so I had to come off overconfident to trick them. The week before I was scheduled to give my first lesson I had a run in with one of the "problem" girls in the class, she flat out told me that she did not have to listen to me and to get out of her face and not talk to her anymore after I had asked her to go back to her seat since she was being a distraction. My Master Teacher made sure that the girl was punished for disrespecting me, but I was nervous all weekend about how she was going to be to me come Monday when I had to teach the class. I had spoken to Jean Eisele about this girl, and had asked her for some advice. Jean asked me if I had taught a lesson yet, and I replied "no" and that's when she informed me that once I get one lesson out of the way I will feel so much better and more confident. Jean, of course, was right. Monday I was giving myself a pep talk before class and the lesson went well. The girl even was listening and doing her work. Getting that one lesson out of the way, and standing up in front of the class made the transition from student to student teacher real, and I finally felt it. I now have three lessons under my belt and I am starting to feel more confident in the classroom. Breathe in..Breathe out..